I'm not going to talk about finance this week.

Consider this more of a reflection about aging and how to create a life well lived.

As many of you know, my dad was diagnosed with Stage IV Lung Cancer 7 years ago this coming July.

This is a photo of he and I having a video call in the past few weeks.

He beat the cancer odds. I've watched acquaintances' parents and other family members die from the same exact disease in far less time.

He's battled through a broken hip, shoulder, wrist, bloodstream infection, and a septic shoulder.

I've known people who have died from one of those things.

And, yet, he is still here, determined to live.

I'm going to be honest — his quality of life is LOUSY. I'm fairly confident he's been unhappy with it for a long time.

He falls weekly. He can't successfully walk the length of a house. The highlight of his week last week was probably getting his top dentures after months without them or a stroll in a wheelchair outside (that's from the picture above).

By afternoon, he doesn't remember what he had for lunch.

He still cracks jokes, but a lot of him is gone.

I tend to work with people who are on the final half, third, or potentially months of their lives.

My question to you is this: How do you want the last part of your life to look?

Much of this is out of our control, but there are steps we can take to try to make it a reality.

Here are the things my dad claimed to want prior to his decline:

1. Independence in his home
2. Not being a burden on my mom or me
3. Personal autonomy

He failed at #1.

Instead of a smooth transition out of his home, there was a months (some could argue years) long debacle of hospital stays, getting kicked out of a place, and difficulty with placement later.

He didn't succeed at #2.

Last year sucked. We are finally at a place where I can say that because of how much better it is now. My mom and I spent far too much energy working behind the scenes last year to try to allow my dad to fail gently (that's the advice everybody gives — let them fail). It didn't work.

My dad's been a burden.

I don't say that lightly, but it's something I rarely hear caregivers say. I want you to know the reality.

It's a mixed bag for #3.

Much to my displeasure and despite my belief that my dad is not of sound mind to make his own decisions, my dad still has some personal autonomy, but it isn't much.

His meals are primarily chosen for him. We could only find one place for him to live because of his medical conditions and behavior. He can't walk more than 10 feet, so his ability to see anything outside of his adult family home is limited to people that will take him somewhere.

He sleeps most of the day.

I share these stories not to make you sad or to seek sympathy, but to light a fire to illuminate what the end of life can look like if you don't make a plan.

I want you to have an aging plan, review and update your estate plan if it needs it, and work with your family and friends to get you into a living situation sooner than you need it — sooner than when your mind may start to fail you and cause you to do things you wouldn't normally do.

Nobody ever thinks it will happen to them, and they will have full control their entire lives.

Unfortunately, that's not always your reality.

I know it because I'm living it.

Blog This Month

​What Is It Like Working With a Virtual Financial Planner?​

What I've Been Reading

• ​U.S. Treasury asks about later payments as debt ceiling deadline nears​
• ​The Case For International Diversification - A Wealth of Common Sense​
• ​The Mansion Next Door​
• ​Some Things I Think · Collab Fund​
• ​Frugal Man Buys $52,000 Car – Why??​
• ​Volatility Is The Toll We Pay — Carson Group​

Resources

​How to Manage Your Resources for Widows - Hear directly from widows about the decisions they had to navigate, how they lived with grief, and the wisdom of what they want you to know after reflecting back on their experience.

​Widows and Money Facebook Group - A community to learn about money, feel empowered around your finances, and ask financial questions.

​More Than Money: Real-Life Stories of Financial Planning - Stories about the impact and value of financial planning. My story of Sara and Leo is on page 205.